By Lauren Gaines - Inspired Motherhood
(A Christian Website)
It was a long day. My husband had to work extra hours and it was just me with the kids for over 12 hours. I’ll be honest, by lunch time I felt like I’d already had enough.
The kids just weren’t listening! How many times did I need to say “it’s not snack time” or “please go play nicely with your sister.” My kids kept arguing with me and I was tired of it.
I wished they would just respond “okay mommy” and walk away.
What if I told there was a way to be more effective in our parenting?
What if I told you we had it all wrong and when it comes to correcting misbehavior less is actually more?
Don’t get me wrong I’m all for expression of feelings and teaching kid’s coping skills. I think it’s good for kids to learn about emotions and to learn how to handle uncomfortable situations.
But there are some moments where I’ve found I need to just stop talking!
Me arguing with them over snack time accomplishes nothing. It doesn’t change the situation. We were getting nowhere because no boundaries were made or enforced.
My rationalizing and talking when correcting behavior was ineffective. I learned there is a more effective way to respond to a child’s misbehavior. Keep reading to find out how!
HOW TO RESPOND TO A CHILD'S MISBEHAVIOR EFFECTIVELY
TIP #1: TRY TALKING LESS!
In the moment, be direct and succinct.
Too much rambling and Kids stop listening.
TIP #2: LEAVE YOUR EMOTIONS OUT OF IT
When Kids feel your anger they tend to focus on
your negative emotion instead of their misbehavior.
TIP #3: BE CONSISTENT
Children thrive on structure and consistency.
Determine before the behavior occurs how you will respond.
Before we get to the strategies we need to talk about why
we have the need to explain every little thing to our Kids.
As a school psychologist and woman it’s my natural instinct to try to explain everything with words. “It’s not nice to take a toy from your brother. How do you think he feels when you don’t share with him? Why do you take the toy as soon as he starts playing with it?”
Now there isn’t anything wrong with these statements, but they aren’t effective in stopping the negative behavior.
Here is another example, my son asks for a snack for the 20th time and I tell him “no honey, it’s not snack time right now.” He continues to bug me for a snack.
Instead of going on and on, explaining to him why he can’t have a snack, I need to set a firm boundary. “Mommy said no.” I’ve even heard people say “asked and answered,” meaning my decision hasn’t changed.
See when it comes to correcting misbehavior talking doesn’t always seem to be the answer.
So What Can We Do Instead of Talking?
Correcting Misbehavior: Is Less More?
It’s so simple! 1-2-3. I know, it sounds crazy doesn’t it? How could counting possibly work better than explaining to your child what you want them to do?
As a side note this is not a sponsored post, we found this book useful as parents and we want to share our personal insight as well.
I believe part of the reason it works is because it eliminates the chance to argue or debate the answer. It’s a clear way to set a boundary without fuss.
So when my son started bugging me about the snack and I already said no, I said “1.” The countdown began.
It takes a little bit of time for your child to understand what’s happening, but eventually they get it.
Since we’ve implemented the strategies from this book we’ve had so much less arguing!
CHILDREN RESPOND BEST WHEN A PARENT LEAVES OUT
EMOTION AND EXCESSIVE TALKING.
When we use the 1-2-3 method I’ve found our house is calmer, there is more joy and our kids know what to expect when it comes to correction.
I do find moments to teach our kids social emotional skills using my words, but in the heat of the moment I’ve noticed using less words is best for our family.
Kids respond best when a parent’s correction leaves out emotion and excessive talking.
Test it out, see what happens when you use less words in the heat of the moment. I also highly recommend reading 1-2-3. There is no arguing, yelling or spanking involved.
Lastly, Parenting isn’t easy. There is always something we could be doing better. But I like to think of it as a journey. I’m learning along the way and making the best of each moment.
Article Source HERE