By Janet Vargas - Owner Of This Website
I met someone in a Store today whose parents neglected her from 2 years of age. A lovely lady 80 years old, who was happy to show me where to find an item, and we shared an interesting conversation. She was sharing some interests she's had like Scuber Diving etc and Crafts. Not everyone who has experienced Emotional Neglect manages to make a good life for themselves, but she did say that "her Arts & Crafts are her Life". She has not felt comfortable about relationships. I know someone personally who has experienced Emotional Neglect during his upbringing and he has had to teach himself how to express feelings and interpret others feelings. Jesus helped him with that in his 30's.
So damage from Parental Neglect is a serious thing and can last Many Years! I wrote part of this article two years ago but am bringing it forward to help more Parents and Kids. It is necessary Today more than ever in this "Busy, Busy Generation" and with so many problems crowding Parents minds half the time, they may have no idea how even that can affect the hearts and minds of their Little Kids and Teenagers.
Sometimes Parents who have Neglected You have had Parents who have Neglected Them. This can even run two generations deep these days. Three in total.
A few years ago, I met a wonderful mother of 4 children in her 30's who adopted a dear little 3 year old boy who was so poorly treated by his young Mother, her family had to have unfailing patience with his outbursts and upsets until he calmed down each time, so he could adapt to a loving environment.
A lot of Parents would not have a clue what is responsible for their child's outbreaks - sometimes it is due to poor training, sometimes it is due to a lack of love and attention shown in them etc. It just goes to show how it is possible to take a healthy little baby, toddler or child and make them into a very upset child if we do not practice due Care that emotionally sustains them. We all need this!
Some kids are experiencing "Emotional Malnutrition" when their Parents are so Stressed Out; Preoccupied with Work or Social Engagements; Materialistic; ILL Health; Overwhelming Debts; Full of Themselves or even Each-Other OR Too Young and Ignorant.
If someone has a Narcissistic Parent (who loves themselves and is continually engaged in their own interests) most times, you can be sure they were brought up by Parents who Emotionally Neglected them or treated them Badly. It's more often Neglect - and that explains the Grandiose behavior that many of those people have, an exaggerated need for attention - it's way out of balance.
Believe it or not, TV Mobiles and Computers have a Lot to do with Breakdown of Communications in the Family, not to be underestimated. Please Practice CARE and Use Wisely.
Children and Teenagers can interpret Excessive Screen Time and/or Addiction to TV and/or Computers, Mobile as "Mum and Dad don't Care"
And let me ask you this, are excessive Phone Calls, Texts and Social Media more important than these Dear Precious Lives you have in your House?
Come on Now - Make it a Home.
Also, there is this to consider, Our Children's Emotional Development is as important as their Physical Development. Either can be undeveloped, due to inadequate CARE.
So many people want their Kids to be Brainy and get good grades at school etc. It has now been discovered that Emotional Intelligence is more important than Mental Intelligence and to work on that with our Children and Grandchildren.
This means that the more Love and Affection, Moments of Undivided Attention you can give a Child the better. Listening to Them when they wish to speak with you, and Showing Interest in them, Spending some Precious Time with them (not everything else). Try to learn and practice Bonding with your Kids. It's really Good!
SOME INSIGHTS ON PARENTS AND CHILDREN
Some months before finding Jesus, when I was with my baby Son in a Store one day, many years ago, noticing a young Mother treating her toddler awfully, I exclaimed audibly to her "You don't deserve to have children!"
My baby was comfortable in a stroller and her toddler was made to walk everywhere who was far too little for that and should have been in a stroller too. He was distressed and she was angry with him.
That was very bad. So I am not condoning parents wrong behavior in any way when you read the following but sharing a few insights about Poorly Behaved Parents that may help some of my Readers. I've only ever had one child but these things have been evident to me through the years.
Jesus gives me perception and insights on different things, even with types of people and situations I haven't known personally sometimes - especially when I write. He guides me what to say quite often for someone's benefit and I like to write as if I am speaking to you (wherever it is relevant) Is that OK?
I really feel that many of you need to know where your parents were coming from when you were little. Much damage in a child's life can be easily overlooked from day to day or time to time when parents cope poorly; they're not sufficiently developed emotionally; ill equipped or they are just plain immature, hey?
Even lots of stress can make people do strange things, we hear - sadly it often affects Parents too. It shouldn't but it does often. Those children are mystified when their parents say they love them but they lose their temper or say something really hurtful. A spouse may be conditioned for that, a child is not, and this is puzzling to their little hearts and minds. Sometimes they carry those things for a very long time and don't think to ask you questions or tell you. So I am speaking for them.
If you were unnoticed or unappreciated as a child, that would account for feeling that way when you grow up and maybe that your wishes, opinions or interests are of less importance to others or even within yourself. And this can also be considered: Some Mothers feel Overwhelmed or flustered by little kids when they're easily upset much of the time (they will switch off and ignore them - this can even include something which is really important to that child, it goes unregistered).
With demanding children, they will sometimes be ruthless because they don't know how to manage such behavior - sometimes they get exasperated. Parenting comes too early with some - they're just not ready. And that's another reason why I don't approve of Government Incentive Schemes!
These Parents can be quite severe in order to Cope. Over time their nature can even take on this characteristic, so even when the Child grows out of that temporary phase, she is not very nice to know - her manner is a bit harsh. Dads can switch off after a busy day's work and become disengaged or crack the whip (so to speak) wanting silence. Then they may hide themselves in a TV Program to wind down. Some Dads show real disinterest in their kids, and others not much. They may be excessively engaged in Work, Sports or Other that takes up far too much attention to the expense of their FAMILY, and that just isn't fair!
They should be living a Bachelor's Life, if that's what they want, because that's what they are virtually doing.
Some Parents need to learn how to apologise to their Child/Children and live consistently with that. There are so many Children and Grown-Up Children whose Parents have never thought to Apologise to them. Can you imagine that?
Try not to let hostility live in you - rent free - quenching your Joy in Life.
It leaves very limited space for True Happiness.
Bring things up with them in a calm manner if you can or let it go
and live on - better without it weighing you down.
I really wish you well.